do you ever feel so completely weighted down that you are not sure you can go on with things like they are?
' finding the gift in the pain ' isn't the first priority when you are actually in pain. our suffering doesn't want to be denied or avoided, it wants our attention, and the truth that we actually know the gets better process but we need to be down in order to fly again. this might take days, years or even just a minute to recover from the pain but doesn't matter because it already has ruined one part of our lives. we become aware of our weaknesses yet we still can't take a step to overcome. i think this is where we feel like we are doing something wrong because there is no other explanation for all those devastating things going on in our lives. i have that moment probably over 100 times. The most shocking moments of my life were the ones i can't forget and won't understand why i've been struggling with. altough i can see that i needed them to understand what was wrong isn't something people have done to me, it was me blocking myself. whenever we are focus on what we are doing wrong we are blocking ourselves from doing something right. Until we embrace the fact that we are missing good moments by thinking of the wrong ones, we will feel incomplete. for as long as i can remember i always feared not having enough time. i dreaded the empty, anxious feeling that would arise when the circumstances of my world didn't make feel the way i wanted them to. so, i did whatever i could to avoid the time and that fear of being late.when i actually try to understand why i am always so willing to give up , i saw i needed that terrible feeling to learn not to give up. it was complicated but also so simple that nobody would open their eyes to look at the childish reasons that make them a coward. we must not allow to other people's limited perceptions to define us.we need people who can show us that we have no limit. Melis Erdoğan
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ne zaman bana milyon sene once adamin biri cikip ask yalan demis deseler, yol bulmaya calisiyorum baska yere gidecek baska uzun yollar ve saclarim uzadikca kesiyorum gecmisime degemesinler diye. ben materyalist degilim. ben realistik de dramatik de mantikci da matematikci veya market sahibi degilim. benim yok bildiklerim , yok toslamaya heves attigim kesinlik duvarlarim. ama benim sanirim goremedigim duvarlar, nedenini anlamadan etrafima sarip, kimseye izin vermedigim duvarlarim var. ne zaman yikmak istesem hevesimin kirildigi dibine sindigim duvarlar. benim aramda kilometreler var benim gibilerle. aramda yillar var ellerim ne kadar acisa da ulasamiyor bazi zamanlarina sevdiklerimin. ama zaten neyse. Melis Erdoğan |
Melis Erdoğan
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February 2024
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